This is where you can read all about my latest running escapades, health-related findings, think-out-loud moments and less than stellar situations all in the pursuit of becoming a healthier human being. Seeing as I'm here already, I will probably discuss my dreams, inspirations, epiphanies and whatever else fancies me at the moment. ...And sometimes, I put my head between my legs and lean forward, because that's how I roll.
So I haven't updated this blog for some time. Since August, I ran another two half marathons making it 20 total I've completed thus far (yay!). Both went pretty well. With each race, I picked a pace and pretty much stuck with it. I didn't want to push myself in fear of hurting my back again. I've been pretty good with my core conditioning, stretching and regular physio visits. I've felt pretty much back to normal and am pretty excited about future races. In fact, I've signed up for my biggest one yet: Ironman. ...and by Ironman, I don't mean this guy:
Although, I totally hope to look like him when I'm done. ;-) Well, at least FEEL like him.
It's a little nuts but this will be a really awesome challenge for me and I'm super excited about it. Attempting to train for Ironman Canada is no small feat. Ironman is a 3.86 km swim, 180.25 km bike ride followed by a 42.2km run (marathon). All of which that need to be completed back to back and in under 17 hours.
...I'm also a little freaked out. So I decided to start a new blog documenting my training leading up to the race. This also means I won't be updating this one for now. You can read all about my new tri-training "misadventures" at www.runswithglitter.com
Woohoo!
Thanks for reading and hope you check out my new blog! Cheers!
I grew up watching Mork & Mindy as a young child. Popeye, Dead Poets Society, Awakenings, Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire, Good Will Hunting and one of my absolute favourites, Patch Adams are all movies I've watched over and over again.
Robin Williams was a genius on stage - his comedy was impeccable. He even inspired me to try stand-up. I would go through one YouTube video after another watching every show of his I could find so I could learn how to be funny and make people laugh.
He has spent his whole life making others smile and feel good...
Over the past 24 hours, I've been seeing countless news feeds explode about his passing. This is to be expected as he had a long, amazing career and was loved and followed by so many. He was extremely talented. It's truly heart wrenching to consider how much pain he was in to feel that taking his life was his only option. As a result, I've seen hundreds open up about their own depression or a loved ones. It's wonderful to see the stigma of mental illness start to fade and how many people are beginning to understand it.
On the flipside, I'm disturbed to still see how frequent certain words popped up - such as "selfish" and "coward". This made me realize how many people still don't understand mental illness/depression. To have such a lack of empathy for another human being who had been suffering for so long is otherwise unimaginable. To someone who doesn't know any better, I could understand how suicide may appear as an act of selfishness. It would seem that they took their life without any regard for those they left behind. Not to mention, the anguish and pain they have inflicted on their loved ones. It may look like they decided to be a coward instead of coping with their illness. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. In the mind of someone who is trying to deal with their depression, ideas become distorted over time and their reality begins to disintegrate.
I've been there. I've been suicidal. I tried to have some sort of foresight of what my loved ones were going to feel after I was gone. Honestly, I felt that they would be relieved I was at peace and everyone could finally move on without me bringing them more frustration, heartbreak and worry.
Putting into words and describing the incredible amount of hopelessness one has when facing the choice of suicide is impossible. For me, I was so exhausted from the days, weeks, months and eventually years of trying to get better. One day you wake up and the pain just covers you like the most brutally, crippling blanket. It feels like pure Hell to just take another breath. It becomes an all-consuming nightmare. As a result, I ended up trying to take my own life on more than one occasion.
The feeling of waking up and realizing I wasn't dead was horrifying, painful and extremely humiliating. I was hooked up to heart monitors and IV's because I had vomited so much. I was forced to drink charcoal to keep the crap load of drugs I took from entering my blood stream. I've practically fallen off the hospital cot from the shaking. I've had upwards of 20 stitches up my arms and wrists from cutting them. I've been committed to the psych ward for months.
I tried to commit suicide because the pain hurt so much that I felt living another day would not only be torture for myself but for my family to watch me endure. Deep down, I didn't want to die - I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted everything to stop hurting. I wanted the aliens to leave me alone. I wanted to go to sleep without feeling my soul was going to leave my body and be captured by Satan. I wanted a day without having to do 40 different ridiculous rituals. I wanted my hair to stop falling out from the medications along with 50 other side effects. I wanted to see a light at the end of that tunnel that everyone was telling me about. I waited. ...and waited. ...and waited. ...gradually, over time, with hard work, I came to see it.
While some days can still be challenging, I've at least broken out of the prison I was once in. I feel so much better and happier and I did it with a lot of professional help and family support. My recovery has been a very long road that extends over 20 years. Keep this in mind the next time someone confides in you that they are dealing with depression and you wished they'd just "snap out of it". Recovery doesn't happen overnight, but a suicide can. Depression is a very real, debilitating disease that takes lives. Suicide is not a cowardly action; it's when someone has succumbed to their illness due to wrong treatment and/or lack of support.
Sometimes, just having an open mind, lending an ear and being a good listener can go a long way, too.
Yes, it's true! I ran today - totally against Doctor and physiotherapist orders but I wanted to live life on the edge. ;-) Sure it was more of a slow jog ...and it was on a treadmill in an air conditioned gym, but HEY, I RAN. I'm so happy I could do backflips! ...Well, maybe not backflips... I could do an awkward fall to the side.
I set out to just walk... maybe about 15 minutes. (Since I had already done 45 minutes on the bike followed by an hour of weights). After 10 minutes, I was getting antsy. I turned the speed up along with my music and it became a truly joyous event. All started to feel right in the world.
Every 5 minutes I would say to myself, "Ok, maybe another 5 minutes". 45 minutes was my maximum. Then it was 44 minutes and Skrillex came on and no one turns Bangarang off mid-song! Then it was Lady Gaga... then some Maroon 5...
Then I ended up going for another 15 minutes!
One hour and 5 miles later... Woohoo!
I'm absolutely beside myself with glee! The runner's high has returned!
....Ok, Ok, I'm not going to lie - I was in some pain, but I stretched the heck out of my back after. I also put on some Biofreeze and took a Robaxacet, and I'm feeling not too shabby, now. Whatever pain I was in as a result of today's run, was completely worth it! I'm so happy! Hopefully tomorrow I won't be paying for it and hopefully, I can go again very soon! :-) Yay!
